[ Tim ]
I hate my friends — especially the ones who go to Hawaii and post half-naked photos of themselves lying on sunny beaches drinking pina coladas. I want to be in Hawaii too. Facebook should have an option for new parents to block out all the fun and interesting activities that their single friends are doing.
I am envious of my friends that do not have children. I am envious of my own life before Allie. That life was so free. I could sleep in every weekend. I could line up for midnight showings of movies. I could go snowboarding. I could go out to eat whenever I wanted. I could go travel and live spontaneously.
Now I am stuck at home with a whiny baby. What makes it worse is that it’s too cold and rainy to go outside. Everywhere I go this little baby follows me and leaves a trail of havoc behind her. It feels like she constantly needs my attention. I can’t even go to the washroom in peace anymore.
During these moments of envy, I stop and remind myself that Olive and I did have three years of married life without children. We made the most of that time and I’m grateful for it. Then I look at my cute baby girl. She smiles at me and melts my heart. And I decide I wouldn’t trade these days for the world.
The ironic thing is that some of my single friends say that they see all the photos of me being married and with Allie and say they are envious of my life. Maybe they are thinking that Facebook should be blocking all their married and parent friends who keep posting happy family photos online.
Perhaps everyone has “the grass is greener on the other side” syndrome, no matter where they are at in life. I like what songwriter John Charles Butler says, “The grass may be greener on the other side, but it is just as hard to mow.”
[ Olive ]
“Comparison is the thief of joy,” Theodore Roosevelt observed. I’ve found it to be all too true, especially after becoming a parent. It’s very easy to look at my chaotic, messy, stay-at-home life now and pine for the “good old days” when things were more predictable and less complex. Or to look at someone else’s children and think, “How come Allie isn’t more like that?”
Of course, I never think about what my life might be like if I had twin toddlers and a newborn, like my friend does. Nor do I really know the challenges of having a child who is more like so-and-so. I only focus on the things that seem appealing to me that I don’t have. I neglect to remember all the hardships I have been spared from.
I don’t like who I become when I start comparing. I get all tunnel-visioned and grumpy. I cease to live in the present and stop laughing. I become enslaved to a mentality of entitlement. I forget to be grateful.
Ann Voskamp, in her excellent book, One Thousand Gifts, writes, “Thanks is what multiplies joy and makes any life large, and I hunger for it.” So instead of comparing and envying what others have, I’m learning to look at all that I have been blessed with, give thanks and feel my joy multiply.
This is an excerpt from “Then Came the Baby: The Wonder, Mayhem, and Hilarity of Our First Year as Parents” by Tim and Olive Chan. You can find out more about the book and authors here http://timandolive.com/parenting-book or purchase the book on Amazon (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BRRGWDY).
Flickr photo (cc) by Pink Sherbet Photography
