Dear online daters,
I’m getting frustrated with you. Not that I know who you are or anything; only other site members know that. But I have a hunch there are many of you, because you’ve become completely undateable in real life.
Of course I recognize it takes guts to make a profile and put yourself online. I’ve read enough comment threads on Justin Bieber videos and Mitt Romney interviews to know that some people use the internet to be mean. Really mean. It’s like they become the person it’s too risky to be in real life; you know, kind of like you’re doing.
Okay, that’s harsh, let me explain. A few years ago I went to rural Quebec on a language exchange and didn’t bring a cell phone. Within two weeks, everyone had each other’s numbers and I spent most afternoons wandering down to the poutine hut — then to the river or maybe the church park — trying in vain to find the day’s mysterious gathering place, planned by last-minute texts.
So you’ve put yourself out there on a dating site and in time that becomes — enough. You don’t have to ever ask a guy or girl out because you’ve got the whole “I’m available” thing covered online already. I remember a friend mentioning that a guy we knew was really hoping to find a girl. I was surprised (I had never got that vibe) and asked why she thought so.
“I’ve been coming across his profile on Plenty of Fish for years now.” And then the kicker: “It actually makes it kind of awkward when I see him in real life.”
So maybe THIS is why I don’t get asked out much. (Okay, I know what you’re thinking. And ouch, I’m offended.) But let me try this again:
Maybe that’s why my SUPER GOOD LOOKING, WITTY, AND ENTIRELY AMAZING FRIENDS don’t get asked out much. Because seriously, they’re awesome. But just like our friends who aren’t on Facebook never get told about parties, those of us uninitiated to dating sites don’t get to know who is and isn’t open to, you know, coffee. (Or whatever we’re calling pre-dating these days.)
I’ll be the first to admit that the real world is a bit frightening. And it’s true that I hold some antiquated ideals. I’m also a hypocrite who fears risking rejection too, and someone who can make slightly awkward conversations become really awkward, and that I ultimately suck at this whole dating thing.
But that said, so do you. I honestly don’t care if you’re on a dating site, but don’t let that be a substitute to real people in your real community who might really want to get to know you. Because if there are as many of you out there as I’m guessing there are, I think you could save on long-distance calls and cross-country flights if you were as open about your desire to date (and even some of the specifics you’re looking for) in person as you are online.
I’m not saying throw a ninth-grade science fair and adapt your online profile to fit a tri-fold display board with you as the biological specimen …
But wait, maybe I am. Because deep down, all us girls are simply looking for a fungi.
