I’ll admit it: I’m an English teacher who judges books by their covers. I have no problem dismissing a work of fiction for it’s poorly decorated exterior or its overly textured pages. And if the title’s font is in metallic print? Forget about it. Although judging a book by its cover is incredibly snobby, choosing to read a book based on how it looks doesn’t do much damage to me or to those around me.
Sadly, books aren’t the only things I catch myself judging. I’d like to say that I’m just a constructively critical person. After all, my job requires me to make judgments on right from wrong and good from bad on a daily basis. However, when I shift my judgments from high school essays to people, especially people I don’t even know, there is no longer anything job-related, or constructive, about my criticism.
Here’s an example. Awhile back, I was grocery shopping, late at night, with our then seven-month old daughter. Keeping her out and about was part of a grander plan to help her adjust to daylight savings time. As I strolled leisurely up and down the aisles, proud of my forward-thinking, new-mom determination, I had this thought: if I had been out that night without our child, and had seen a mother walking haphazardly with a baby who should certainly be in bed (or at least a bath tub) at that hour, my judgmental inner dialogue would be racing. How could she possibly be shopping at this hour? Isn’t her child’s sleep more important than artisan cheese? She clearly puts her needs above those of her family.
And it was with this thought that I realized, I constantly judge those around me.
How often do we begin to assess a person without knowing even the most basic details of his or her life? The man who cuts me off is a jerk, not someone who is rushing to pick up his sick kid from school. The super skinny girl next to me on the treadmill must be addicted to exercise, not someone who just has a naturally high metabolism. The mother who lets her kids run around the clothing store is irresponsible, not someone who hasn’t slept more than three hours in a row for the past three years.
It is so easy to assume, to accuse, to judge.
I know it should be the other way around. That it should take more effort to think something hurtful or critical of someone than to think something positive. But we live in a world that tells us we need to be better, prettier, stronger, richer, and more successful than those around us. And when we aren’t, we make ourselves feel better by putting others down.
Embracing a judgmental spirit is dangerous. Even though it may make us feel good or powerful to criticize a person or situation initially, those feelings are often followed by pride (“I am so much better than that“) or a diminished self-worth (“I will never be like that“). Judgment of others never comes from a good place. And worse yet, it’s simply not biblical. (I will pause here to clarify: I know there are multiple passages about judgment in the bible. But I’m strictly speaking about the kind of belittling human judgment that results in hurt and separation, not the ultimate all-powerful, all-knowing judgments of a God who gave us our very spirits.) In the Bible, we are told that before we even begin to examine our brothers and sisters through a critical lens, we must first be willing to look honestly at ourselves. And, as it says in Matthew, although we might be judging the specks in the eyes of others, we are walking around with planks in our own eyes. It becomes painfully clear that we are all with fault, and we are all dealing with “stuff.” And if we spend more time picking apart people we don’t even know, how will we ever become people who demonstrate the love and compassion of Christ?
Jesus was a man who withheld judgment. In the Bible, he is constantly speaking to, praying with, and dining amongst people whose “specks” are particularly obvious (adulterers, murderers, and robbers to name a few). One day, the Pharisees asked Jesus to make a judgment on a woman who they caught “in the very act” of adultery. Instead of sputtering out rules and regulations, or condemning the woman involved, Jesus quietly begins writing in the sand. The Pharisees continue to ask Jesus for an answer. Brilliantly, he finally replies, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.” (John 8:7) Of course, not one of the men can do anything to her. Jesus shows us that it is in no way our responsibility, let alone our right, to judge others. He accepts us for who we are, and because of this, we absolutely have to accept others for who they are.
Even Harper Lee, author of “To Kill a Mockingbird” recognized the social importance of living in a community free of judgment. Lee writes through the character of Atticus Finch, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view… until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” Not only a book with a great cover, but a book that has the same underlying message that Jesus taught thousands of years ago.
Although our default setting may be to judge others, we must work at “walking around in the skin” of those around us. When we catch ourselves judging someone’s appearance, actions, choices, or even parenting skills, we need to stop looking outward and start look inward. If we spend less time looking at the specks and more time asking God to help us with our planks, maybe one day we will be able to see past our judgments and biases, and finally see people for who they really are. We are all children of a God who loves us. And as he first loved us, faults and all, we need to ask him daily to show us how to love, and not condemn, others.
