I’ve often found myself feeling left out when it comes to church. While the church I attend does a pretty decent job at initiating mentorship and even has a young adults ministry, as a single 20-something woman, it’s easy to feel out of place.
Ministry options for singles always seem to feel like a bit of a meet-market, no matter how stellar they are. (I don’t think this is the church’s fault, entirely. Media and culture, not to mention my own mindset, certainly play a starring role.)
So what is the alternative? I don’t think adding more ministries for young, single adults is the answer. The issue reflects something about our whole community. Constantly separating ourselves according to age, gender, and life stage isn’t always conducive.
Shouldn’t there be more multi-generational interaction than young adults leading youth group?
I’ve often wondered what our hesitation is towards people who don’t share our primary digit. Some of the most wonderful people I have met are decades older than me. And not just wonderful, but actually fun to be around. You should see my parents at a dance party. They’re pretty fantastic.
But partying with your parents isn’t exactly popular. Or having friends their age. I break all kinds of cultural norms by having lunch with my friend’s mom — and truth be told, I’m better friends with her than I am with her son.
So what is it that causes us to group into such narrow categories? Perhaps it’s because we’re afraid. Afraid that we have nothing to offer the other, that we have nothing in common, or that they wouldn’t be interested. And this goes both ways.
It might also have something to do with having a grade school mindset, a topic I’ve mentioned before. We tend to hold onto this idea that what we have in common is our age, when in reality community is often found when people bond over shared passions and interests.
While I’m no expert on church ministry, I can’t help but wonder what it would look like to implement a new model. One where ministry isn’t divided by age or gender, but by interests like art, music, history, film, sports and adventure.
Or we at least need to re-define how we do ministry, through cultivating multi-generational friendships. Women’s ministry isn’t just for married women over the age of 30, but we tend to think it is.
Certainly there are times I crave the company of another solo act. But I find incredible encouragement by spending time with those who have gone before, who have experienced what I am going through, and who challenge me with a new perspective.
So often, our generation misses out on other generations. Perhaps it’s an idealistic dream, but we need to do something differently. Because if we don’t, I’m afraid that us angsty singles will forever be sticking together, wallowing in our misery.
Flickr photo (cc) by Lulu-the-Bold
