Twenty years ago, When Harry Met Sally asked whether men and woman could be friends — and the answer was sort of yes, but also sort of no: yes, because the friendship between the title characters lasted for a couple years, but no, because eventually they had sex anyway, which meant they had to get married or cease being friends altogether.
Fast forward to today. Now, films like No Strings Attached (opens January 21) and Friends with Benefits (opens July 22) take it as a given not only that men and women can be friends, but that these friends can be sexually involved with each other, without any romantic attachments. At least, that’s the message co-stars like Ashton Kutcher seem to be sending when they say they hope films like these will be “empowering” for people.
But of course, men and women aren’t made like that, and so, if the trailers are anything to go by, the protagonists will find themselves falling for each other anyway. The characters might think they are resisting the call to become one flesh as God intended, but sex is never that casual. And deep down, the people who make these films probably know that.
Sex: combining the genetic traits of a man and a woman to create a new life form. Through a process that many of us will only understand on paper, a being with a soul and a mind is created with equal parts of its mother and father. But let’s get real now, sex to the average 20 or 30 something has more to do with urges than with procreation and it would be stupid of us not to acknowledge that.
Casual sex is has become a mainstay on television shows and movies. The once taboo subject is now socially acceptable. Friends with Benefits, a movie with a pretty obvious title opens tomorrow, but we’ve been seeing a lot more of this everywhere.
Mad Men: Don Draper has affairs with just about anything with legs. Assistants, business associates, even his children’s teacher.
How I met your mother: Barney and Robyn “hook up” only to decide that they can’t just have meaningless sex without feeling anything.
Friends: Monica and Chandler get together after a wedding and shortly after begin a relationship, eventually marrying.
Grey’s Anatomy: All about doctors hooking up.
Jersey Shore: Both male and female cast mates are on the prowl for casual sex.
The list could really go on. Television shows can tell us one thing, but they don’t tell us the whole truth. As much as Snooki wants to “hook-up” with a stranger, she’s also desperately longing to find “her dream guido”. One that she knows will stick by her side and stay faithful to her till she’s old, shriveled, and grey. Don Draper on the other hand has a deeply broken past that he has never been healed from. He’s searching for something but finds immediate not lasting relief from his flings.
We all long to be loved, to feel a connection, and to be valued in a significant way–desires that can easily be confused for wanting sex. Regardless of spiritual belief, casual sex is never just casual sex because there are always implications. As Dannah Gresh pointed out on the CNN belief blog, “There’s nothing biologically brief about a hookup.” The lack of morality in TV shows and movies these days is creating a different dynamic not just for Christians but for non-Christians as well.
What’s your take on our hook up culture, share and hit us up in the comments
