Churches are filled with two kinds of people: the people who come to serve, and the people who come to be served. Though all relationships have moments of give and take, at church it seems like the giving always goes one way. That 20 per cent of the members do 80 per cent of the work.
You know who I’m talking about. The 20 per cent group consists of the people who join two small groups — or three. They’re the ones who buy the supplies for the outreach ministry, do landscape detail, sing in the choir, and decorate for Vacation Bible School. You’ll find them passing out bulletins, driving the church bus, volunteering in the nursery. They lead community groups, small groups, and discipleship groups — and cook dinner for each one of them.
The 20 per cent group is the first to arrive and the last to leave. Week-in, week-out.
I was wholeheartedly part of this 20 per cent club. Until last summer.
I remember the day so clearly. As I sat in my counsellor’s office, he kindly told me, “Your days of obsessive planning are over.” Over-scheduling had become my obsession. And this had included obsessive church involvement.
Through a waterfall of tears, believing my life was officially over, I handed over my prized possession to him — my sleek, perfectly coded, to-the-minute planner. My calendar and my commitments were my treasures.
I really enjoyed serving the church. But the more I did, the more of a people-pleasing, self-sufficient, watch-me-now perfectionist I had become.
I was all things to all people, and I believed the church could not function without me. Church activities and events were great things, but I was not supposed to do all of them. They were feeding my external ego that was internally crashing.
So, thanks to my counsellor, I started doing the unthinkable: I started to say no to some church involvement.
Did everyone understand why I was doing this? No. Were people disappointed in me as I stepped down from former roles? Absolutely. Did I initially like doing this? Not even a little.
But it has turned out to be more than OK. Actually, leaving the 20 per cent club is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Being a part of the church body, rather than being the church body is delightful.
By decreasing my volume of non-stop involvement, I can think. I can breathe, rather than panic. Calm is replacing anxiety. I’m not suffering from burnout. I can let go of perfectionism, and can let go of proving myself to the rest of the church body.
And in doing so, I have had time for unexpected church needs. By stepping down from excess involvement, I have been able to depend on other members in new ways. I have had to delegate responsibilities to other people that I would have otherwise delegated to myself. I’ve started valuing others more.
I can now serve God alongside of people, rather than taking over. And as I’ve taken on fewer responsibilities, I’ve been able to serve better. He turns my less into far more.
Most importantly, I can serve God with my heart, rather than with my calendar.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying you need to skimp out on your church; being part of the church is vital and mandatory for healthy spiritual growth. But where I went wrong was defining my spiritual growth on the basis of how much I did for the church.
I still love to serve my church. In fact, I continue to be there a few days each week.
But I am no longer being everything to everyone, all of the time.
And it is wonderful.
Flickr photo (cc) by Gustave Deghilage
