I don’t make friends very easily. In fact, it can take quite a while for me to feel connected to someone. I don’t mind the quiet and being by myself; sometimes I prefer it to the alternative. I enjoy just being in other people’s presence without feeling the need to make small talk. The list could go on, but you’ve probably guessed it by now. I am an introvert.
And I’m not alone. Studies show that at least one third of the general population is introverted. But I think the church has been following the cultural trend of upholding what Susan Cain refers to as the “Extrovert Ideal.” There’s the expectation that we should join every small group, go to every church event, greet every person who is sitting within a six-foot radius of us, and be very gregarious and vocal about everything that we believe.
There’s nothing wrong with any of these things, but it seems a lot of these ways of practicing faith are geared towards those who tend to be more extroverted, who thrive on social interaction.
But what about all of the introverts who stayed at home rather than going to church because they didn’t have someone to go with, and didn’t want to have to meet lots of new people all at once? What about the introverts who worship more deeply in silent meditation and reflection on the Word of God, along with other believers? What about the introverts who connect better when doing things with other people, rather than getting together to talk for an hour or two?
Do you ever feel like your faith isn’t as legitimate if you aren’t as extroverted as other believers? That you need to change your personality in order to be a “better” Christian somehow?
It may be subtle, but if you feel this way, it’s critically affecting the way you view yourself, your place in the church, and your own faith in God.
Does the fact that I live out my faith differently as an introvert mean that my faith isn’t as valid?
The obvious answer is no, and yet I’ve still felt pressure to live up to a certain standard.
Over time, I’ve eventually come to realize and accept the positives of being an introvert in the church. Like how it may take me a while to form connections, but when I do, they are deep and lasting through the thick and the thin. Or how I may feel awkward keeping up small talk at times, but my home is always open to helping others find a place to belong (and where we might have a game night rather than catch up over coffee). Or even how not being the one who is always talking allows me to observe others who may be left more on the fringe in social situations and reach out to them..
I’ve slowly been coming to accept that God has created me the way I am, and that I don’t always have to be around other people or be a socialite to please Him and prove the legitimacy of my faith. Instead, He has shown me the different ways that I am able to live out my love for Him.
And yes, sometimes that does mean going outside of my comfort zone and striking up a conversation with someone when I normally wouldn’t. But other times it simply means accepting the gifts that God has given me as an introvert who loves Him.
So for all my fellow introverts out there, here’s the truth: we are not less-than, our faith is not less worthy, and we don’t have to compare ourselves to whatever the current social and cultural ideals happen to be.
He delights in who we are, just as we are.
