I won’t lie, I’ve been the type of girl to get all dressed up for Bible study, knowing my crush would be there. A little sweep of blush across my cheeks, a few strokes of mascara to tint my lashes, and a lot of lip gloss.
I recently picked up a Timothy Keller book from the library so I could impress a guy, knowing it was one of his favourites. The next time I saw him, I pretended to be well-versed in his areas of interest.
“Oh my gosh, I totally love C.S. Lewis, too! I mean, who doesn’t like the Narnia series?” Twirling my hair, giggling into my hand, I cringed at my total lack of theological knowledge. I knew something was wrong.
It is hard to resist being attracted to someone who possesses the very qualities you would like to have, someone whose passion and dedication you covet. Sometimes the line between wanting to be with someone and wanting to be like someone gets blurry.
This is my chicken-and-egg dilemma: am I attracted to this guy because he inspires me to take strides in my walk with God, or do I want to improve my relationship with God to get a chance at dating this guy?
The makings of my relationship fantasies come right out of a cheesy Christian movie montage: late night phone conversations about our relationship with Jesus turns into a white wedding and fast forwards to us raising our kids in the church.
But as ideal as these scenes appear to be, I will never find my leading man if I don’t fit the part.
He would have, I imagine, sky-high standards and a stringent good-Christian-girlfriend-checklist — none or little of the criteria I would actually meet. I do not juggle multiple ministries in the church, nor do I make it a weekly habit to give food to the homeless.
But the more I focus on these conjured up ideals, the more ridiculous they seem. What good are all these actions if my heart is in the wrong place? Focusing on being “Christian enough” to date a Christian guy is like the dating equivalent of praying in public for show and not having a genuine conversation with God.
So, maybe he’s cute and he loves Jesus. Not a bad combo. But when I start to see him as the one who will save me and make sure I stay on the right spiritual track, I start to create a pseudo-saviour who cannot possibly fulfill the needs I have — the needs that only God can fulfill.
Being passionately in love with God is an attractive quality (who can disagree?) but right now I am focusing on making that attractive quality one of my own — without depending on somebody else to help get me there.
When I start to focus on improving my relationship with God — separate from a dating relationship — I realize that everything else seems insignificant, including impressing a potential future hubby.
If God wants me to be with someone after His own heart, it will happen when I am ready to handle it, and when he is ready to handle me. And I won’t have to force myself to brush up on theological readings for the sake of feeling “Christian enough.”
Photo (Flickr CC) by Ansel Edwards Photography.
