I have spent all but one month in 2013 abroad. It has been the longest I have ever been outside Canada. I have loved my time away, but I have learned one important thing: I miss Canada. I miss the courteous people, the abounding forests, the freshwater lakes, and the inconvenient beauty of snow. But most of all, I miss the “Canadian-ness” of life — whatever that means.
So, in an effort to remind myself what Canadian-ness is, I’ve searched high and low for the most Canadian news stories of 2013. You know, those stories that make you think, “This probably wouldn’t happen anywhere else in the world — well, maybe Russia because Russians are a bit wacky, and maybe certain parts of the U.S. because they are too. But outside that, this couldn’t have happened anywhere else. Long live Canada!”
So without further ado, here are the 12 most Canadian news stories of 2013:
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Cop who shot self in the leg thought someone else did it, sparked hunt for gunman
Blaming someone for shooting you? Come on, Officer. That’s not very nice.
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Boy wandering the street in diaper leads to grow-op
The most surprising thing about this story is that it didn’t happen in B.C.
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Federal Government contract resolved by tossing a coin
Canadians say sorry when there’s nothing to apologize for. But what happens when there is a real conflict that needs to be resolved? In good government fashion it took three months to organize this epic “best two-out-of-three” coin-toss. And the best part of this whole thing? The coin-toss is actually mentioned in a government manual as a method of resolution.
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Coca-Cola blames bilingual promotion for “You Retard” message under bottle cap
Blaming bilingualism for a misunderstanding? Canadians have been doing this since Canada’s independence in 1867.
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Randy Nemirsky offers reward for stolen outhouse
It sucks when that happens.
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Wild cross country police chase ends when snowmobile won’t start
It sucks when that happens too … in July.
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Ford Nation remains loyal to Rob Ford
Why, you ask, does Ford Nation continue to be Ford Nation despite Ford’s many shenanigans, his shocking lack of social etiquette, and his general disregard for illegal substances? Because Canadians are loyal and they love the underdog – even if the underdog has become a punch line for drug busts.
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Windsor human kinetics students say 1 km walk to Tim Hortons too far
I am sure most Canadians would agree.
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Shark choking on moose saved by two Newfoundland men
A shark, a moose, and a Newfie walk into a bar…
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Pit bull stabbed on Vancouver beach was beloved pet
Those crazy Vancouverites and their dogs.
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Stephen Harper awards Justin Bieber a Diamond Jubilee Medal
Justin is so homey and Canadian. Look! He came to the ceremony with the Prime Minister in his little brother’s OshKosh B’gosh farm outfit. How cute.
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Yukon woman fends off mother grizzly with two cubs
The opening line of the story says it all: “A Yukon woman had a terrifying close encounter with a mother grizzly Wednesday while she was on her way to work.” On her way to work! Only in Canada… or Russia.
Photo by Shaun Merritt, Flickr CC
