“I’ve already had 900 jealous thoughts today. What’s wrong with me?!”
I sent my best friend this text the other day. There’s a good chance I was just hungry, but considering my constant state of envy, I don’t think that’s the case.
“Nothing. You’re normal.” She was quick to respond, and I know she’s right. I am normal.
Many of us, if not most of us, struggle with jealousy on a daily basis. It’s one of those tight-lipped topics we don’t want to bring up because we know it’s not one of the finer qualities to possess.
I’ll admit it, I struggle with jealousy every single day. Social media only makes the struggle more apparent.
There was the friend who got a brand new car for her birthday. HER BIRTHDAY. I look out the window at my car, slowly dissipating into rusty particles littering the highway as I drive. The check engine light is a constant reminder that I should probably get to the mechanic.
And as a writer, the comparison game happens a lot. Especially in regards to numbers. How many people read my article? Shared it? Commented on it? Or in the number of books sold. Or the number of likes on our Facebook pages.
Then there’s the friend who changes her relationship status from single to taken. This one might be the most difficult for me to swallow. I’ll ask myself, “What does she have that I don’t?” How quickly I start comparing — adding up redeeming attributes and subtracting personality flaws.
The list goes on and on. Everyone seems to have what I want.
But here’s what I’ve realized lately. When I’m jealous about other people’s accomplishments, possessions, or relationships, I’m unknowingly questioning the nature and character of God.
I start thinking:
1. God is stingy.
But the truth is, God isn’t holding out on me (or anyone else).
One of the things I most admire about God is how lavish He is. I see this in Creation — He didn’t have to make Earth so diverse and beautiful, but He did. From flowers to waterfalls to animals and mountains, there’s no limit to His creativity. Each morning, we get a brand new sunrise and each evening we get a brand new sunset (Instagram is a great reminder of that!).
Besides Creation — and all his other gifts, including each other — God gave us Jesus. God didn’t take any shortcuts, but willingly gave us His all, His Son, in order that we could (if we choose to) have relationship with Him.
And that’s anything but stingy.
2. God loves so-and-so more than me.
I joke with my nieces and nephews that I am their favourite aunt. One of my nephews was born on my birthday, and I’ve told him I have to be his favourite since he made me share my birthday with him. I’ve spent hours reading with all of them, snuggled up on the couch for hours as they’ve asked me to read “Just one more. Pleeeaasse.” I figure that should get me some serious favourite points.
My nieces and nephews could never pick a favourite, though. They love each one of their uncles and aunts. The same goes for me — I don’t love one niece or nephew more. I may show my love differently to each one, but it doesn’t mean I love one over the other.
Sometimes, I find myself asking God, “Why does it seem like you love that person more than me?” He gently reminds me of the verse in Matthew 5:45 where Jesus tells us that good things happen for good and not-so-good people. If you think about it, would you really want to serve a God who gave good gifts only to the people who were doing everything right? I don’t know about you, but if that was how the system worked, I’d be in trouble.
3. God didn’t do a good job on me.
This lie is most apparent when we are jealous of other people and compare ourselves to them. Whether it’s a physical attribute, a talent, or a personality trait, we begin to put certain values on people. This person is worth more because he looks a certain way, or can play an instrument, or runs marathons. While another person is worth less because she hasn’t travelled extensively or has pimples or can’t figure out the proper use of there/they’re/their.
God doesn’t make mistakes. Each one of us is wonderfully made. That includes you. No matter your pants size, academic achievement, or yearly income.
Instead of looking to our right or to our left (or to our social media), and comparing ourselves to someone else, let’s begin to give thanks. Sure, thank Him for what you do have, but thank Him for those other people. Thank Him for the fact that your friend got an awesome new car. Thank Him that your friend has found a wonderful, loving companion. Thank Him for others’ victories and milestones.
In giving thanks, it’ll change our hearts and our perspectives. We will begin to celebrate with others instead of wanting what they have. Most importantly, we’ll stop warping the character of God and see Him as we should: as generous, loving and good.
Photo (Flickr CC) by Marta Nørgaard.
